Edward And Winry Get A Pet Bird
by Eogrus
Summary: Edward and Winry desire to acquire a wonderous bird of holy properties to be their children's pet.


Ed and Winry are looking in a pet shop. They decided it was time to have a pet to watch over the babies and protect the house, but much to their misfortune all of their children are allergic to dogs and cats, so they much seek a pet whose integrument will not poison the pitiful baby nostrils.

"Ed, come over here, I found the solution!" says Winry, lacting happiness and joy.

Edward goes to her, and is amazed at her find. A wonderous golden eagle is perched inside a cage, it's plumage reflecting the carcinogenic light of the shop's lamps. It looks at it's new masters with an austere but benevolent look, a noble creature of well intentioned desires.

"Mister shopkeeper, how much does this eagle cost?" asks Ed, ejaculating hope and wonder.

The shop keeper is a decrepit old woman, not unlike Pinako but with a silvery white hair like cormorant guano. She is much aroused by the handsome young man before her.

"Oh, that'll cost about half an hour of your time... having sex with ME!"

Winry is appaled at this! How dare this devil woman steal her husband, with children no less!? But she thinks about her babies, her babies that need a faithful companion that will fly them all over Amestris and destroy devil pedophiles and carcinogenic drug dealers of necrotic phymosis. She resigns, having to sacrifice her love.

"Edward, go have sex with this woman."

"WHAT!?"

"Think of our children, Edward!" the blonde woman cries, "How will they ever be functioning human beings without a pet!?"

Edward is appaled, but he too resigns. It is for the best.

"Lead the way."

The evil woman grins, and wastes no time grabbing Edward's hand and dragging him to a door behind her balcony. It leads to a red room filled with BDSM things and seagull corpses. The evil woman undresses herself, revealing her fat, wrinkled body filled with warts, tumours and necrotic tissue, oozing yellow pus and green bile and gangrene, which lactate in huge amounts from her boobs. Her legs and ass are covered entirely by diarrhea stains, and her back has many huge pores oozing putrid acne. Ed is repulsed by this, vomitting copious amounts of rootbeer, beef, philosopher stones and ishvallan prostates. But he sighs, and removes his clothes too.

"Oh la la, lay on the bed my manful boy. It is time for you to lick my pussy, bitch to fate!"

Before he can protest, the woman sits on Edward's face. Her vagina is entirely covered by oysters and ticks, forming well arranged lines on her labia, while her clitoris is enormous and looks like a well sized dong; it too is filled with ticks, looking like a grape basket. Ed barfs up black blood from his intestines, which arouses the woman more, who fucks herself with Ed's nose. Ticks nd fleas fall from her pussy on Edward's face, entering his eyeballs and sucking them dry. Edward screamed as his world plunged into darkness and parasites filled his emptied eyeballs, making caverns of putrid invertebrate shit. The old ldy was very aroused by this, so she introduced her clitoris on the Edward mouth, deepthroating his screaming maw with ease.

"Yeah, suck it boy bitch!"

But Edward was not going to give this devil lady the pleasures... so he bit off her clit, devouring like a demented piscivorous seal! But the woman smirks and mans, it was her plan, her blood oozing so pleasurefuly from her castrated self to the maw of the young man. The blood is filled with necrotic and mutant bacteria, that quickly rot Edward's gums, which black and fall off, oozing putrid whitish pus. Eventually, only the white, pearly jaw bones remain, and even the lips begin to be corrupted, the insides blackening and falling off, while the skin grows dissecated and morbid. Edward looks like a zombie, and is barely better than one, being unable to see, speak and now taste, as his tongue is decaying, now purplish and oozing putrid yellow pus, filled with chartreuse abcesses. Only his ears remain, and they are quickly filled by ticks and fleas, dampening his hearing. As a final blow, the devilful granny picks screwdrivers and pierces his eardrum, plunging Edward Elric in the world of the darkness of sensations for all eternity, a sapient mind left alone to insanity. If he could, he'd cry in utter despair.

Winry cries tears of blood. Her husband is being fucked by a devil granny that resembles very strongly her own grandmother. She has puked her stomach contents to grief's desire, piles of digested dog shit and little children's bones lining the ground. The eagle looks at her sympathetically, but it senses a devil disturbance.

"Winry my master, your husband is in danger!"

"You can talk!? And how you know my name?"

"Yes, my name is Sagittarius Alpha Kappa, I'm a cosmical alien bird disguised as an eagle from the planet of Krypton, from which I escaped when the penis-less daimone Braniac blowed up the planet! I have come here to seek refuge amidst the peoples of Xerxes and I have learned all forms of alchemy across the centuries, so I can now transmutate your mind to allow telekinesis. Alas, this will have to wait, for your Edward is in grave danger!"

Winry understood, and released Sagittarious Alph Kappa from his golden cage, and he flew, indicating the way to the devil room.

"Edward!" shouted Winry in horror.

Deep in his soul, Edward heard Winry's cries, and tried to reach for her, raising his hand.

"You pititful fools! Love will never win against my devilful ambitions. You are fools! HAW HAW HAW!"

Winry rages! She jumps at the evil granny and punches her face, destroying her skull bones, breaking her jaw, smashing her eyes and dislodging her teeth, but the demon woman grandmother only moans in pleasures, and ejaculates her putrid poisonous fluids at Winry, corrupting her. Her flesh quickly decays, rotten green pus flowing forth from her open wounds, her musculature and skin alike corroding away to reveal skeleton and sinews. Her brain is possessed by the evil woman, who goes by the name of Grandwhora the Grandma Whore, who wants to take over the world with her army of putrid sex zombies! To give everyone AIDS!

But Sagittarius Alpha Kappa will not stand for that injustice, he glows in a bright carcinogenic light that begins to add tumours to Grandwhora's pussy, and then reveals his true eldritch form, an alien organism so incomprehensible that Winry's zombie eyes explode and the souls that Grandwhor has trapped in the room with her AIDS begin to moan in pain, being killed once again. Grandwhora herself feels her flesh eroding away, her cancers spreading until the natural tissue is no more.

"NNNNNNOOOOOOO-" she screams, but is cut as she has transformed into a turmour shaped like an old lady, no putrid non-cancer flesh having been utterly assimilated.

As a final trick, Sagittarius Alpha Kappa begins to glow in a softer golden light.

"By the power of justice and happiness and love, Kami Haru Desu!"

And then his alien eldritch form is covered in a sailor fuku.

"By the name of the Moon, you shall be exorcised, devil woman of AIDS evils and pitiful leprosy!"

With a blast of pure moonlight, Sagittarius Alpha Kappa uses his specialised alchemical powers to exorcise the remains of Grandwhora, and heal the zombified Edward and Winry. The two lovers kiss, celebrating their return to the world of the living, while Sagittarius Alpha Kappa returns to his eagle form.

"Thank you so much Sagittarius Alpha Kappa!" says Edward, kissing the bird's eyeballs in loving recompensation.

"It is my duty to preserve happiness and goodness int this world, my erotic blonde aryan man!"

Winry and Edward laugh, and the lovers bring the holy alien bird to their family and home.


End file.
